I want to confess something. I’m only writing you a letter because of a 30 days of letters prompt. We’ve been here before, where I think this is going to be an excellent challenge to getting me back into the mood for personal writing after all the academic and professional writing I’ve been doing lately, but we both know that all that happens is I flail around with the ideas, thinking about how difficult it is to recall anything worth saying.
I think I’ve been starting to understand (these past few challenges) that the benefit doesn’t come from writing beautiful amazing letters to my feet, it comes from writing anything at all. Getting back into the swing of things requires a bit of effort and these are like practice words. By the end of the month (if I do this every day) I imagine I’ll either be burnt out from writing lifeless fragments and want to write more substantial thoughts, or I’ll be energized to pick up where those thoughts left off and write something more meaningful. I don’t know. Maybe I’ll just give up all together.
This year is supposed to be (sort of) dedicated to the craft of writing but I feel limited in my ability to sit down to do it for many reasons. I think some of those reasons are mental blocks with no footing (heh) and some are just choices I am making about how I spend my time. I do know that spending my days and evening solely dedicated to writing documentation (for work) and research papers (for school) runs my words dry and I need to replenish my energy before I can share my world again. That’s a valid, legitimate reason. That’s the reason (or one of) why I decided not to take summer classes throughout the course of my degree program, even though I already know what the potential consequences are.
Only recently did we start thinking of writing so intentionally. I still haven’t quite found the place where this goes because I know those years I dedicated to Busy Weekends being a “business” don’t really work well with me and the way I like to live. I don’t mind putting in the time and energy but creating a business and fostering a community is not my why. My why is more like, joining a community that already exists and making friends with some really cool peers. Sometimes it seems like many bloggers want to “start something big;” I just want to be a part of that big thing. No pressure, but there is still connection and people are still interested in your words sand you still have a list of links to visit once a week to keep up with your buds. That’s what the personal website blogging community was when I was younger, before all this creative handmade business stuff. It’s great that it evolved and that useful/helpful content is getting out there, but sometimes I think my head is stuck in 2002 and for some reason I still can’t figure out why my writing doesn’t fit anything I want to or end up doing.
Once again I am on trek to reorganize Busy Weekends. I’m a little late. I sent a kit to an auction to benefit an audiology organization and while I know all 70,000 magazine subscribers won’t care about my site, I know that’s a large number of people who might visit in the coming weeks. It would have been nice to have had time to think about a reorganization three weeks ago. I’ve known forever what I want Busy Weekends to be and the purpose it serves in my life. I think I get caught up in this idea of “keeping a blog” and “updating the blog with the content” that I forget WordPress has a Pages feature and that’s where a lot of it should go instead. I honestly don’t have that much to say on Busy Weekends at present. The type of writing I do lately belongs in zines and maybe over here where I don’t give anyone the URL and maybe, when I give myself the opportunity, on my school portfolio site. Instead of thinking of these as three separate projects that all need to be updated regularly, perhaps I should ignore all that and just go where the ideas are, share them in the appropriate location (or not at all) and then that’s that.
I don’t know where all this pressure comes from to separate everything. Maybe it’s because of all the interest I have in branding, where you’ve got to clearly define it and outline everything for your visitors. The concept and psychology behind all that is interesting to me, but that doesn’t mean I have to apply it to my life–especially if I’m not in the market for a business or gaining customers. My style is way more personal than that. My style reflects my own excitement behind stumbling upon someone’s “other blog” where they open up more.
Feet, we have come a long way on this journey and there’s still a long way to go. Sometimes we feel firmly rooted in where we are, but it might be more honest to say we don’t belong anywhere and this is just a comfortable pit stop.
We’ll find our way.